yesterday when I was really hung over and still a little drunk I did a tarot card reading on myself asking just a general question about my past present and future this is what I got :
Past: The Lovers:
Not surprisingly, the lovers suggests love romance and an emotional, spiritual and physical union. Any relationship connected to this card will be a powerful and meaningful one. The old idea of soul mate is suggested here.
You may feel as if you have know one another always, able to read each other’s mind, and be completely in tune on every level. Many occultists would say you have been together before, loving through different life times in many different cultures. You are quite simply meant for one another.
Sometimes this card can mean an inner marriage. in this case, you have resolved many conflicts within yourself, and are happy with your body. Male and female characteristics are well balanced at this time; your energy finds positive expression. Sexually you are just as happy to initiate as to receive, and are full of affection.
The other important meaning of the lovers is choice. If it appears when you are making up your mind, it’s telling you to think very carefully. Choices indicated by this card are not black and white, nor easily resolved in a logical way. Sometime they are presented with 2 paths: you can continue what you are currently doing or; take a risk and try something new.
You must use intuition, and ask yourself a few questions. The lover’s counsels you to go where ever your heart leads you. Does your home, job, relationship reflect you - or do you sometimes wonder what you are doing in these areas of your life? Have you sacrificed your ideals completely. Look closely at your life and think quietly about your question. If you feel you have sold out in order to gain security, please someone else or because you are lazy, the lovers card gives you the chance to get back on the right path.
(How I miss thee….)
Present: Queen of Pentacles: Reversed
Keywords: greed and ambition
The queen or hearts reversed is extremely selfish and hard-hearted. She can be greedy about food money, or material possessions, spending lavishly on herself with little thought of others. She may be a gold-digger who marries for money.
In business she presents an over ambitious woman with a good head for money and future planning. However work leaves little time for her to enjoy love and friendship because she values a healthy bank balance more highly. She only cultivates people if they are useful of her, or can help her achieve her ambitions.
(Time to get off this path…)
Future: Four of Swords: Reversed
Earlier warnings have been ignored. Instead of choosing to withdraw, withdrawal is being forced upon you.
In health terms, a more serious stay in the hospital is suggested here. Nervous exhaustion over a prolonged period of time has caused some physical problems and mental Instability.
Socially and personally you may find yourself rather lonely. Friendships and relationship fail to bring pleasure; people who you were once close to you seem to have changed. Your privet life could seem dull and limited; it’s only a phase though it won’t last forever.
(ok so after this I was like holyshit a positive change in life gone bad! So I asked another question)
What should I do to avoid this great loss. What is the warning and how do I stop it and understand the warning:
The World: Myths and Symbols
You have reached the end of a cycle in your life, there is a sence of completion and accomplishment. This influence may appear on many levels. You may have finished an important project at work; a creative endeavor of your own, or a long term course of education. You may have successfully integrated some previously dormant aspect of your personality and become a full-rounded person
The world signifies success and fulfillment whatever your question may have been. So although a cycle is ending, and a door is closing, it is time for celebration. Perhaps you are starting a family, or leaving behind the old single life.
If your question referred to career, you will be delighted with the outcome. A new job or promotion will be everything you hoped for, and you will not want to go back to how things were before. Sometimes this card can even foretell fame, public acclaim and attention – especially in the arts. Enjoy your achievements, and the temporary pinnacle they are. The world is the last card in the trump and as it turns the fool reappears. And begins a fresh cycle.
In terms of relationship, you may look forward to balance and happiness, perhaps a difficult or testing time is now over, and you can both enjoy the insights this has brought you. You are now free to bring out the best in each other, and enjoy the differences between you.
The world may also manifest as a journey, new home or place of work. You are literally being given a chance to see more of the world we live in. journeys signified by this card will inspire you to expand your knowledge and bring insight and happiness. When the world refers to a new home, or changes of environment it denotes a change for better. Your old home or job has serves its purpose well and you are now able to move on.
I think all I need to hear was I was becoming a cold hearted bitch! Lol I think I need to take things a little less seriously and have a little fun. After getting this card reading I went and talk to donna my counselor and asked her how do I close the door to the past and open myself to the future without shutting myself down and stopping caring. Her reply was simple “forgive” to which I answered “how?” I read it everywhere but it never tell you how to forgive someone it something I never learned as a kid…so she walked me throw it step by step with my dad… it was a meaningful chat to me.
The whole day was pretty mixed up but I know it was suppost to happen like that because if it hadn’t I would have run right down the wrong road know having a clue what I was setting myself up for. Still the discovery is only half of it. I have a lot of inner work to do. Somewhere in the last year I lost my spiritual side and worked on career so much that I missed keeping things in balance J but I thought that was the right thing to do during that time.
I also need to treat my friends better they have helped me so much since I left mike… but I know its not as simple as a cup of coffee and a hug. I think I need to let my turn light shine through forgive the people of the past and forget and love the people of the present and future the way they love me… where did my mind become so corrupt (again)
Magic - To dream that you are performing magic, signifies many pleasant surprises. It may also represent a creative mind and that events will turn out the way you had hoped for.
House - To see a house in your dream, represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect, the basement represents the unconscious, etc. If the house is empty, then it indicates feelings of insecurity. If the house is shifting, then it suggests that you are going through some personal changes and changing your belief system.
three - Three signifies life, vitality, inner strength, completion, imagination, creativity, energy, and self-exploration. Three stands for trilogy as in the past, present, and future or father, mother, and child, etc.
friends - If you dream of good friends in a congenial and happy setting then you will soon here good new of them or a close relative. If they exhibit staunch friendship for you in your dream then all your current activities will be successes.
old - To see something old in your dream, suggests that there is something in your life that you need to replace or get rid of.
people - To see people you know in your dream, signifies qualities and feelings of those people that you desire for yourself
kitchen - To see a kitchen in your dream, signifies your need for spiritual nourishment. It also forewarns that you will be met with some depressing news.
Family - To see your own family in high spirits in your dream, symbolizes harmony and happiness. To see them gloomy, foretells of disappointment and sadness.
power - To dream that you have power, indicates your growing confidence, high self-esteem and increasing skills. Alternatively, your dream of power may try to compensate for a waking situation in which you were powerless.
room - To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a particular relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality.
appear - To dream that things appear out of no where, suggests that you need to utilize your intellect in a more creative and productive way. You need to think clearly and logically. Consider the symbolism of the objects that appear in your dreams for better understanding of your mind and its intellectual power
garden - To see a vegetable or fruit garden in your dream, indicates that your hard work and diligence will pay off in the end. It is also symbolic of stability and inner growth.
one - One stands for individuality, individuality solitude, the ego, leadership, originality, beginnings, and a winner. It also stands for a higher spiritual force.
window - To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight.
closed - To dream that a door is closed, represents an aspect of your life or and opportunity that is closed off to you. It may also refer to sexual secrets or activities.
blinds - To see or dream that you are shutting the blinds, suggests that you are in denial about a situation or problem. The dream may also be a pun on being blind and refusing to see something. Perhaps you are hiding something.
corner - To dream that you are in a corner, signifies feelings of frustration and lack of control in making decisions. You may feel trapped and 'cornered'.
stairs - To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs, indicates that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual/emotional/material journey. It also represents material and thoughts that are coming to the surface.
behind - To dream that you are behind someone, suggests that you are offering your support and encouragement for someone. Alternatively, it refers to emerging unconscious thoughts and feelings.
books - To see books in your dream, indicates calmness. You will advance toward your goals at a slow and steady pace. Books also symbolize knowledge, intellect, information and wisdom. Consider the type of book. It may represent a significant calling into a specific field of work.
computer - To see a computer in your dream, symbolizes technology, information, and modern life. New areas of opportunities are being opened to you. Alternatively, computers also represent a lack of individuality and non expression of emotions and feelings. Too often you are just going along with the flow, without voicing your own opinions and views. You may also feel a depreciated sense of superiority.
summer - To dream about summer, represents growth, knowledge and maturity. You are showing tolerance and expanding your realm of understanding.
park - To dream that you are at a park, represents a temporary escape from reality. It indicates renewal, meditation, and spirituality. It is also an indication of a readjustment period after a serious personal conflict or an ending of a passionate affair.
walking - To dream that you are walking with ease, represents the way you are moving through life and progress toward your goals. Consider your destination.
uniform - To see a person in uniform, indicates that you may be conforming too much and living in too much of a regimented manner. Also, you may need to fit in and stop going against the crowd.
Mind control is many things,
‘fuck this world’ pure evil sings,
Play the game with hidden ace,
And take control of time and space,
The rain it pours and thunder roars,
This mundane war’s become my chore,
The passion in, the passion out,
Time took away both fear and doubt,
All that’s left is to complete my task,
Be patient my friend, I was quietly asked,
I could jump and fly tonight,
And do anything you said was alright,
But then I wait forever more,
The raven sang it many times before,
I scream and kick and try to bite,
You yell out ‘now’ to my delight,
8 years I thought both long and hard,
My skin was bruised, my face was scarred,
You came to me and cuddled me tight,
‘Your safe my pet till the end of life’
Dreamt last night of love long lost,
The first, the only, and what a cost,
The price was high, the risk was great,
He fucked with love, I fucked with hate,
A single rose sits on the window sill,
I remember the point where time stood still,
The pain it ran right through my veins,
The anger that drove this girl insane,
I’ll hear his laugh till the end of time,
When I get even with that partner in crime,
Twist my words and chain me down,
Tumble weeds roll throw this town,
Where no lives but all the unknown,
But their the story, still, well known,
A letter from love blows through the wind,
It tell the story of why she sinned,
When the last piece is finally found,
Her laugh will echo hates ghostly ground.
talking - To dream that you are talking does not have any significance unless it is unusual or bizarre. Consider also if what you say evoke strong feelings or behavioral reactions.
Phone - In the world of dreams, a cell phone represents a barrier to communication, not a convenience. To dream of a cell phone conversation could mean that you are feeling a barrier between yourself and the person on the other end of the line, and you should attempt to express yourself more clearly. If you are using the cell phone to communicate with spirits or otherworldly beings, the opposite is true. To see or hear a telephone in your dream, signifies a message from your unconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues which you have tried to avoid. Alternatively, the telephone represents your communication and relationship with others. To dream that you do not want to answer the ringing telephone, indicates lack of communication. There is a situation or relationship that you are tying to keep at a distance. To dream that you are having a telephone conversation with someone your know, signifies an issue that you need to confront with that person. This issue may have to do with letting go some part of yourself.
address - To dream of a new address, indicates the need for change.
two - Two stands for balance, diversity, partnership, soul, or receptivity. It can also symbolize double weakness or double strength. There is a duality as in male and female, mother and father, yin and yang, etc.
street - To see a street in your dream, symbolizes your life's path. The condition of the street reflects how much control you have over the direction of your life. Is there a name on the street which can offer some significance or hints to the meaning of the dream.
night - To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing that are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head before coming back to it.
downtown - To dream that you are in downtown, represents your material concerns and possessions. It may indicate the hustle and bustle of your life.
sex - To dream about sex, may be your libido's way of telling you that it's been too long since you have had sex. It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love. To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other, suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually and you can even bring that sense of adventure to your existing relationship.
friend - If you dream of good friends in a congenial and happy setting then you will soon here good new of them or a close relative. If they exhibit staunch friendship for you in your dream then all your current activities will be successes. If you see them as sad or unhappy you will receive news of an illness.
woman - To see a woman in your dream, represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love. It refers to your own female aspects or may also represent your mother. Alternatively, it may indicate temptation and guilt. If you know the woman, then it may symbolize the concerns and feelings you have about her.
blond - To see a blond person in your dream, suggests that you need to enjoy life and live it up. Be a little glamorous.
hair - To see hair in your dream, signifies sexual virility, seduction, sensuality, vanity, and health. It is indicative of your attitudes. If your hair is knotted or tangled, then it is symbolic of uncertainty and confusion in your life. You may be unable to think straight.
bath - To dream that you are taking a bath, signifies a cleansing of your outer and inner self and a washing away of difficult times. This dream may also be symbolic of ridding yourself of old ideas, notions, opinions, and other negativities. Your dream may be pointing toward forgiveness and letting go.
water - To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. It also may mean that feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged.
naked - To dream that you are naked, denotes the fear of being found out and exposed about your activities and misjudgment.
city - To see a city in your dream, signifies a sense of community and your social environment.
store - To dream of grocery or convenience store, suggests that you are emotionally and mentally strained. Alternatively, you may be brainstorming for new ideas or looking for the various choices out there for you.
ice - To see ice in your dream, suggests that you are lacking a flow of ideas and thoughts. You are not seeing in progress in your life. Alternatively, you may be feeling emotionally paralyzed or rigid. You need to let your feelings be known.
cream - To see or eat cream in your dream, indicates that you appreciate the minor and sweet things in life. It is symbolic of nurturance and richness.
people - To see people you know in your dream, signifies qualities and feelings of those people that you desire for yourself.
door - To dream that you are entering through a door, signifies new opportunities that will be presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another. In particular, a door that opens to the outside, signifies your need to be more accessible to others, whereas a door that opens into the inside, denotes your desire for inner exploration and self-discovery.
home - To see your home in your dream, signifies security, basic needs, and values. You may feel at home at your new job or you finally feel settled and comfortable in a new environment.
wait - To dream that you are waiting, is indicative of issues of power/control and feelings of dependence/independence, especially in a relationship. Consider how you feel in the dream while you were waiting. If you are patient, then you know things will happen at their own pace. If you are impatient, then it may mean that you are being too demanding or that your expectations are too high. Alternatively, the dream may denote your expectations and anxieties about some unknown situation or decision. There is a sense of anticipation. You are ready to take action.
room - To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a particular relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality.
- Location:His Office
- I'm Feeling:
naughty - I'm listening to:DOA - Foo FIghters
- Location:My Apartment
- I'm Feeling:
pleased - I'm listening to:Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Will I keep them myself, well, there’s no guarantee,
I see what you’re doing and know where you’ve been,
But what I want to tell you, my dear, dear friend,
You’ve chosen a road, a path taken by few,
But it’s nice to see and so long overdue,
You opened a box, your demons circle in flight,
Will you rid them yourself or hold them tight,
Many year have passed and I have let go,
You walked in my door and I knew at hello,
That you travel down a road I have been,
Is it paved in gold or paved in sin,
The choice is yours but just let me say,
You might need some help if you slip away,
I’ll be there to grab you and pull you back,
From the depths of your mind from the dark of the black,
Cross - To see a cross in your dream, signifies suffering, martyrdom, death, and/or sacrifice. Perhaps your dream is telling you that you have a cross to bear. Ask yourself what is causing you to suffer or what is causing you great difficulties.
left - To dream of the direction left, symbolizes the unconscious and your repressed thoughts/emotions. It is an indication of passivity.
driving - To dream that you are driving a vehicle, signifies your life's journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. If you are driving and cannot see the road ahead of you, then it indicates that you do not know where you are headed in life and what you really want to do with yourself. You are lacking direction and goals. If you are driving on a curvy road, then it indicates that you are have difficulties in achieving your goals and the changes associated with it.
home - To see your home in your dream, signifies security, basic needs, and values. You may feel at home at your new job or you finally feel settled and comfortable in a new environment.
sale - To dream that something is on sale, represents opportunities that are readily available to you.
books - To see books in your dream, indicates calmness. You will advance toward your goals at a slow and steady pace. Books also symbolize knowledge, intellect, information and wisdom. Consider the type of book. It may represent a significant calling into a specific field of work.
time - To dream about time, indicates your fears of not being able to cope with the pressures and stresses of everyday life.
selling - To dream that you are selling something, signifies changes and your feelings toward these changes. You may be experiencing difficulties in letting go or parting with something.
old - To see something old in your dream, suggests that there is something in your life that you need to replace or get rid of
You were sitting across from me grinding your teeth in spite,
I just didn't get it, why didn't you leave,
Or let me go, so life, i could receive,
All you can think of is deceit and control,
You lost touch with you body, spirit and soul,
As a storm moved in, some decisions were made,
"I'm not going to stay here and watch you fade",
Every 10 minutes you'd lite up your pipe,
I'd walk on egg shells the rest of the night,
I hated the person I watched you become,
But I thought you change, which i know now was dumb,
Three days after leaving I felt better at last,
You selfish habit was a thing of my past,
Today I'm single and no one rules me,
While you still struggle with yourself to be free
A shadow appears within my sight,
The figure I see is one I know,
From my past, a life long ago,
Where I've come from and where I am,
No one can understand just where I've been,
I've seen things that no one should see,
And I know people that are darker then me,
The shadow it hugs me, and kisses my neck,
'Where yeah been Hun are you keeping in check',
I let out a sigh and say 'Its been hard'
'But my friend I've come this far'
He smiled at me and said 'you were so good',
Then walked away like I knew he would,
This shadowy figure appears in my dreams,
But I really don't know if were ont he same teams,
He seems to care but how can I trust,
For this person he fucked me and left me in the dust,
He was a strong figure, a powerful friend,
But the last time we talked I had to pretend,
So I'll now never return where this shadow appears,
Because with a 100 good-byes hes disappeared.
'Could have back the youth I throw away',
I sigh in the darkness of the eve,
For all the things that will never be,
The night it's grown so bloody cold,
I lost the key to what I been shown,
I have come off the path of my fantasy,
And ask for the strength to find it, possibly,
I travel down a less ventured road,
And the weight of this destiny is a heavy load,
But its mine all mine and you will see,
That this path with set me free.
The sun held high that autumn night,
It was chilly the wind blow hard,
The past came in and brought its scars,
From the depths within my mind,
From the pain i left behind,
I don't much care for falling grace,
And no kiss will keep you safe,
A sins a sins beyond a moments time,
Bitch slap me I'll make you cry,
And take away the good and whole,
Till you forgive your own heartless soul,
Just because I my eyes are green,
Doesn't mean that I've never seen,
Twist a knife yea I might pout,
But then I grab and pull it out,
I learned a lot from days once past,
I said good-bye and kicked their ass,
Now I wish upon a star,
And thank the goddess I made it this far,
With out a thought a hope or prayer,
This is a warning so please beware!
Where it all felt so real, so it would seem,
The grass grew up around my spine,
And the trees grew around me in a circular line,
I fell to the ground and I started to scream,
In a panic I woke thinking, 'shit what a dream',
My sheets were tided around my feet,
I caught my breath and calmed my heart beat,
There was power in the dream that night,
as I adjusted my eyes into the moonless light,
Then I felt a hand pull me back into bed,
where I fell back asleep without a word said,
who's hand was that which pulled me back into bed,
as I notice how the mornings airs dead,
So who's arm was that who cuddled me tight,
But it was a dream I was alone all night.
A girl that knows when she dies her pain will live on,
Throw her spirit and her soul that will never be aloud a peaceful sleep,
A girls who's heart is black from the pain she once numbed out.
So whats it like laying beside a girl who finds peace in solitude?
A girl who prefers the company of herself because of what they once did to her,
Although her sleep is not peaceful she carries on,
A girl who's cat is her only friend cause she blocked everyone else out.
So whats it like laying beside a girl who will never die?
Though her body may grow old and wrinkle, she was sentenced to an eternity,
A girl who was born into a peaceful family but was old enough to watch it die,
So what it like laying beside me, A girl just doing her time while she waits to be freed?
Where I'm insignificant to the universe,
Leave a broken heart to long and it will never heal,
And the dreams become the only thing you can feel,
I'm made of pain but still scared of it,
You go numb eventually if you don't get over it,
Its not all that bad cause you feel nothing at all,
But whats life to be like after you drop that ball,
I can't cure a broken heart but that what comes next,
It worked for me I'm at my best.
Why do we live
Just to suffer for fun
Question whats real
Get fucked around
Turned upside down
All for some piece of mind
In which we know we'll never find
Walk on water for weeks,
I'm in over my head,
I'm not sure what was said,
I'll alway remember,
But can't wait to forget,
These stories I've heard,
These Dreams In my head.
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